An Ode to the Best College Bar That Ever Existed: KAM'S

By John Wong on September 28, 2014

I go to the greatest school on this side of UCLA so I thought it was only fitting that for this week’s article, I gave a shoutout to not only my place of higher education (kill ‘em, Fighting Illini), but also quite possibly my favorite place in all of Champaign – KAM’S, Home of the Drinking Illini.

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If you go to U of I, you probably are very familiar with KAM’S. One of the most popular hotspots on campus, it’s located right next to the university’s official bookstore, right off the main quad, and on one of the busiest streets in terms of the amount of students using it to walk to and from class on a daily basis. You can smell it from several hundred feet away – that undeniable stench of beer, vomit and bad decisions.

You see, here at U of I, we’ll turn up on just about any given day. Yes, the weekend typically starts on a Thursday night. Because when you live in Bumblefuck, Illinois, there’s only so much you can do to have fun and we’re all in college here, so..

And while many U of I kids will argue that their favorite bar is better than KAM’S, let it be known that they are all wrong. KAM’S is king. Keep your Joe’s. Forget about Cly’s. Lion? Yeah, I’ll go there when I want to increase my likelihood of contracting an STD, but other than that, catch me at KAM’S, bitches.

I mean seriously, you’re not gonna argue with Playboy, who named KAM’S the best college bar in America. The floors are filthy – sticky and covered in discernible liquids on a daily basis, but there’s a reason for that: nobody there gives a shit. It’s a beautiful thing, to be honest.

Not to mention every freshman’s favorite drink: the Blue Guy. It’s just some vodka mixed with a blue energy drink, but goddamn it tastes like liquid sex and after chugging three, four or twelve Blue Guys, you’re ready to shame mom and dad. Speaking of daddy, one night at KAM’S makes you wonder how many fathers actually love their daughters. The jury’s still out on this one.

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And if it’s Tuesday and Cly’s Wine Night is too lame-stream for you, get your ass on over to KAM’S for this beautiful thing called Country Night. I mean I don’t even listen to country music, but I’ll get on tables and do a hoedown just for KAM’S.

Moral of the story: U of I is the dopest and all those second-rate bars that exist on campus can’t even hold a candle to KAM’S.

Cheers.

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